Chibi Materia
by Tatsutahime
Summary: It's the Turks! The Turks decide to take a break and rent a cabin in the mountains. Elena meets up with a rather warped Small Materia and it just goes downhill from there.
1. Default Chapter

This was inspired by Ice Age and Taking Care of Reno (by Desha). I don't know when exactly it's supposed to be happening, maybe sometime during the game before the Meteor incident or after in some parallel dimension where Rufus and Tseng or still alive. ^_^ he he, or like some (or most) authors, I'm completely ignoring the fact that the two are dead.^_~

Disclaimer: I don't own 'nyone. ^_~

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"DAMMIT RENO!" Reno chuckled to himself as his female co-worker stormed into the room in her bathrobe, her short blonde hair scattered messily around her face and her brown eyes shining.

"WHAT THE HELL'D YOU DO WITH MY CLOTHES!?" Elena screamed again at the red-haired Turk. "Why Elena, what makes you think _I_ took them?" the accused Reno asked innocently, thoroughly enjoying her distress. "What makes me think you didn't?" She seethed. "I'm not the only one in this house you know"

"Are you implying that maybe Rude or Tseng took them?"

"It's a possibility"

"You're an even bigger jackass than I thought"

"Shaddap! Look who's talking Little-Miss-Big-Mouth!" That sent the two into a whole new wave of insults, bringing up past incidents that had nothing to do with the given situation, just anything that might infuriate the other.

"Dammit, can't you two be quiet for 5 MINUTES?" grunted Rude upon entering the small living room.

"Of course, haven't you heard us sleep?"

"…"

"Hey, Rude…nice outfit." Rude frowned and looked down, followed by Elena. Rude stared. Elena gaped. Reno laughed/sniggered.

"P-P-P-PERVERT!!!!"

"RENO!!!!!"

***

Tseng gritted his teeth and pulled the pillow harder over his head. It still didn't block out the loud curses, crashes and screams of "Pervert!" from the other rooms. _'Two weeks. All I ask for is two weeks. What did I do to deserve this?'_ The black-haired Turk pulled the pillow down harder and curled into a ball, but it wouldn't do any good. Deciding that his morning was ruined anyway,Tseng growled and crawled out of bed, not even bothering to change.

He ducked as a vase flew overhead and hit the wall behind him, shattering into pieces and flying glass everywhere.

Put lightly, the room looked like a stampede had run through it.

The curtains were in tatters, furniture was tipped over and broken, broken lamps and other glass pieces were scattered around the floor, the door was wide open; letting in the snow and cold and there was a substance that looked suspiciously like food on the walls. There was also a very large hole over the fireplace. In the midst of all this; Reno, Elena, and Rude had taken cover behind various large objects and were hurling anything they could get their hands on (In Rude's case, Elena's clothing, which Reno thought would be amusing to put on him while he was asleep). Reno, of course, was the only one who seemed to be enjoying the whole war, and only laughed harder at Elena's death threats and Rude's promises of intense pain.

A little vein in Tseng's forehead twitched, his stomach rumbled, and he felt the beginnings of a migraine. "Elena! Rude! RENOOOOOO!" he roared. The three stopped in mid-throw, Elena kicked Rude, who dropped her bra he'd been planning to throw next at Reno.

"I am not in the mood for such behavior from you this early in the morning" _'or anytime for that matter'_ he added mentally, "and I'm appalled at the manner of which you three are conducting yourselves. You are TURKS, and such manners will not be tolerated. Now clean this stuff up and make some breakfast."

"Um, sir?"

"Yes Elena?"

"Um, Reno kind of used the food for ammunition" She declined from telling him about the suspicious looking container they had hid in the back of the fridge that only Reno had touched after putting on three layers of rubber gloves.

The vein over Tseng's eye twitched violently and Reno grabbed Elena's arm whispering, "Just clean up and shut up."

***

Three and a half hours later, the four Turks sat around the table in the kitchen, three of them looking considerably sleepier than when they'd woken up that morning. The cabin had resumed its tidy state and looked even better than before the fight (except for the lack of furniture that they'd had when they'd first rented the cabin). Tseng had calmed down a bit and the vein on his forehead had vanished. Now it was just the matter of food.

"It was Reno who threw the food, it should be Reno to get it"

"Who was it who stated throwing things in the first place?!"

"…"

"Whose the one who decided to go through my dresser and put my clothes on Rude?!"

"…!"

"Whose the one who suggested coming here in the first place?!"

"Who pissed off Rufus?!

"Who was it who turned on the fire alarm?!"  
"Who was it who was smoking with the windows closed?!"

"Who was it who burned the hole through the desk while TRYING to clean it?!

"No one told you to puke over it!"

"No one told you to use anything given to you by Hojo!"

"No one told me I wasn't supposed to!"

"You were supposed to know that yourself!"

"Where not!"

"Where too!"

"Where not!"

"Where too!"

"Where NOT!"

"Where TOO!"

"…"

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Elena jumped and sat down, but glared at Reno who glared back. Tseng looked ready to kill. "Elena, you go get the food-"

"But sir!"

"Not 'buts'! Rude will go with you"

"…"

"Reno will stay here and try not to get into trouble"

"Shut up Reno" Elena snapped at the smug look on Reno's face.

"Why Elena-"

"Shove it Reno." She stood up and stomped out of the room, making sure to slam the door behind her. Tseng raised his eyebrow, "She PMSing or what?" The red-haired Turk shook with laughter while Rude shook his bald head and stood up. Tseng followed suit and walked out behind him, but not before sticking his head in to glare at Reno. "I'm going to take a nap, think you can survive a few hours without tearing the house apart?"

"Of course" Reno answered, still shaking with laughter at his boss' earlier remark. Tseng rolled his eyes and walked out toward his room, passing Elena and Rude just as they were getting ready to leave. "Bring back some aspirin too, okay?"

"And some booze!" Reno hollered. Tseng smacked his head.

Very short chapter 1, I know, I promise the next one to be longer.


	2. In Which No One Is Happy

Gah _ It's kinda short, but I've got some writer's block (evil) I'll try and have part three up soon.  
Disclaimer: *Sigh* I don't own anyone; I'm just using them for my own entertainment purposes.  
  
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Elena shivered as another gust of wind blew in her face. She hugged the bags tighter for warmth and succeeded in getting the frozen chicken stuck to her sweater. "W-Why's it ha-have to be so c-cold?" She muttered. Rude sat hunched over the steering wheel, his eyes on the road trying to see through the blizzard.  
  
"It'd-d probably b-be e-easier to see without you're glasses." Elena yelled to him over the wind. Rude either didn't hear or choose to ignore her, either way he pushed his glasses up and pulled his hood further over his face.   
  
The ride was a bumpy one; they just drove past monsters that were either too small, to weak or too slow to battle, although had to stop occasionally for the oversized (and usually not very bright) monsters.  
  
  
The buggy came to a sudden stop, throwing its occupants backward and groceries spilling onto the snow. "The hell? What happened Rude?"  
He shrugged and twisted the key again; the engine spluttered for a few seconds before stopping again, this time Rude couldn't get it to start again. He grunted, climbing out and walked to the front of the buggy, lifting up the hood to the engine.  
  
"How is it?!" Elena yelled over the blast of wind   
  
"... Dead"  
  
Elena sighed in frustration before kicking the dashboard "Damn machine," she climbed out "damn snow," she looked at all the bags and the frozen wasteland ahead of her "DAMN RENO!" Her voice echoed several times and ended in a growl.   
  
Wait a minute. Could echoes do that? Rude was staring at her strangely. Elena felt a nagging in the back of her mind. She turned. She paled.   
  
"Oh shit."  
  
***  
  
Sitting on the couch in only his pants, Reno sighed and kicked the TV in front of him. It was bad enough without cable; he couldn't watch any of the normal stuff he did when he was bored (cheesy porno and helium overdosed chocobos weren't necessarily a bad thing). And reception was bad enough out here, without the stupid snow making it worse. The best he got was a very fuzzy picture and static-y voices from game shows and documentaries that must have been at least twenty years old.   
  
In frustration, Reno kicked the TV again a little harder than he'd intended. It swayed dangerously, leaned back, and fell with a crash onto the floor. "Oh, godsDAMMIT!"   
He jumped up to examine it, and seeing that there was a large hole where sections of glass had fallen out, began to take out his anger and frustration by stomping on the pieces while chanting. "Godsdamned piece of shit. Godsdamned Elena. Godsdamned snow. Godsdamned 'vacation'. Godsdamned-" He'd run out of Godsdamn's.  
  
  
Reno was still stomping the remaining TV pieces when he heard a pounding on the door. He kicked the pieces once more and slowly trudged toward the door. The pounding came again, more urgent this time. "Yeah yeah, I'm coming" It'd better be Elena and Rude with some food and booze.  
  
He yanked the door open and was assaulted with a blast of snow and icy wind. "Shit!" he cursed and slammed the door before seeing who it was.   
Rubbing his arms, he grabbed a blanket from the couch and sauntered back to the door, which seemed to be rocking on it's hinges at the ferocity of the pounding.  
Reno opened it slowly this time and peeked around the side. A tall, broad shadow stood silhouetted in the doorway. With wind and snow blowing around it, it looked like a scene from a cheesy horror movie Reno remembered seeing once.   
  
"Got the booze?" Ignoring him, Rude pushed passed his way inside, carrying a large bundle in his arms. He stomped the snow off his boots and took his coat off, maneuvering things with his hands and legs (Reno will never forget the sight of Rude swaying on one foot while pulling a coat over his head and holding groceries).  
  
"Where's 'Lena?" Reno asked, trying to get at one of the bundles in Rude's left arm. Rude jerked away and with his right hand shoved two bags of groceries into Reno's arms.   
  
Digging around in the bags he let out a cry of triumph and held up the 12-pack. "Reno..." Rude started as Reno happily opened one of the beers "What? You want one?" He tossed him one but Rude didn't make an attempt to catch it. It fell to the floor, its lid popping open and spilling the contents onto the floor. "Ah Rude! Ya didn't even try! What's in the bundle anyway? And where's Elena?"  
  
"...Here" Rude opened up said-bundle which was wrapped in a very familiar looking coat and shoved it into Reno's face.  
  
A pair of large chocolate brown eyes in a plump face framed by short, curly blonde hair stared up at him. An inquiring look on the baby's face.   
  
"Oh f-"   
  
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^_^ he he. R&R please! 


End file.
